Sunday, March 27, 2011
So.....What's YOUR Next Move??
So......here's the scenario. You've been dating a certain someone for about 3 years and some change. You can vividly imagine yourself, in your glorious white gown with the lacy trim, walking down that long carpeted aisle to greet your awaiting Mr. Right (or Mr. Perceived Right). You can see yourself.....NO.....you ACTUALLY see yourself purchasing property with Mr. Right, having babies with Mr. Right, pillow talking nightly with Mr. Right, being the perfect wife for Mr. Right, and more. There is only ONE problem! Mr. Right has made absolutely, positively, no mention of, no preparations for experiencing life in that manner with YOU! So........what's you next move??
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I dont know. It depends on a variety of factors. Three years and some change is not necessarily long enough to make that kind of commitment for some men as well as some women.
ReplyDeleteHey Ms Moat!
ReplyDeleteGreat Post Rhon-diva... I personally am not wasting 3 years with ANYONE with no mention of like/common goal. not in my diry 30's no ma'am... boy bye!
I want it to be very clear EARLY what our plan, expectation is. We have been conditioned to "go with the flow" and if we ask too early we look pressed or desperate.. nah dude I look like I know my worth and you better get on board or get to the back of the line... NEXT!
lol
I agree with you when you say "it depends". All relationships are unique. So with that said, I guess my response to this question would be: you stay with your perceived Mr. Right as long as you honestly feel comfortable doing so. For some, that may be 1 year; for some 30 years; and for others, it may range from 1.5 years to 25.5 years. But as soon as the "comfortable" seeps out of your happy relationship balloon, as soon as the feelings of "I want more out of this situation; "I deserve more from this situation", that's when it may be time to evaluate your next move. And during your evaluation process, remember that it's ok to be selfish and to make your demands known.
ReplyDeleteAs women, I feel that at times, we wait for men to make all the moves. We are so much more powerful than we at times, give ourselves credit for. We don't have to wait for him to make all the moves. We can, as the beloved Bernie Mac would say, "bust a move". LOL. So, if you don't feel that you want to devote any additional seconds to waiting for him to realize your worth and to give you what you want.....then....."bust a move".
ReplyDeleteWell from a males perspective, we will only do to you what you allow us to do. By that I mean if you allow us to date you for years and years without making that ultimate committment, then we just may do that. However I think more often than not women think we are mind readers and would probably assume that we should know that you are axiously awaiting us to mention marriage. Communication is key. If I were in that situation I would want my lady to come and talk to me about her feelings. Three years in I know whether I want to s**t or get off the pot, however if there has been no mention of it and the relationship is going good, then why change? So if I was giving advice to my sister or a good female friend, I would tell her to sit down with him and communicate effectively to let him know that she is ready to take the relationship to the next level. However you must be ready if he indeed is not ready for that step. When you are at your "I deserve more from this situation" moment, I dont think that is the time to evaluate your next move. I think that is the time to sit down with your mate and explain to him how you are feeling. After having the conversation, you are not seeing a change in the way things are going, then it is time to evaluate, but you should first give hime the chance to give you what it is you feel you should deserve. Just my $.02
ReplyDeleteThank you so kindly for you two cents Blake. You make some very valid points. Men do exactly what they are allowed to do. I also feel that men know exactly what they want (and it often times doesn't take them THAT long to realize it). My desire would be to have a gentleman I've been dating for years to step to the plate (marriage) without advanced prompting or probing OR for him to be honest and considerate enough to not string me along if he knows that I am not the one.
ReplyDelete